The last five months have been perhaps the toughest of my life. Pitch-forked into a job I badly dislike, away from family and friends, and also form children whom I so much love and miss at SSS-10. The separation from these children was heart-wrenching. My two kids too are at a crucial phase of their student career. They need me more than any other time.
I must blame my own 'visibility' for this assignment which is more of a sham than anything else.
But then who cares.
In these past few months I have passed through stages of depression, disbelief, doubt, what not. My self-confidence has taken a beating. At times I find myself tentative. Perhaps I have been worrying too much about pressures from people who are not accountable.
But I have not given up. I couldn't afford to give up.
The project is high-profile, being monitored by top people in my organisation. It is necessary that I do justice to my own self and reputation by not letting go. So things have moved, even if at a pace that has been too slow for my own comfort.
Surprisingly for an atheist like me, there have been lessons in faith that have helped me overcome fears. Every night I have been praying for mental peace. and that has helped me cool down.
Thankfully for me I have been with close family members. First two months with my younger brother's family and the last three with my elder brother-in-law's family. They have been a great help.
The six-month period is about to end. Hope I can go back to a place I long to be at.
I must blame my own 'visibility' for this assignment which is more of a sham than anything else.
But then who cares.
In these past few months I have passed through stages of depression, disbelief, doubt, what not. My self-confidence has taken a beating. At times I find myself tentative. Perhaps I have been worrying too much about pressures from people who are not accountable.
But I have not given up. I couldn't afford to give up.
The project is high-profile, being monitored by top people in my organisation. It is necessary that I do justice to my own self and reputation by not letting go. So things have moved, even if at a pace that has been too slow for my own comfort.
Surprisingly for an atheist like me, there have been lessons in faith that have helped me overcome fears. Every night I have been praying for mental peace. and that has helped me cool down.
Thankfully for me I have been with close family members. First two months with my younger brother's family and the last three with my elder brother-in-law's family. They have been a great help.
The six-month period is about to end. Hope I can go back to a place I long to be at.
