Attitude may matter more than talent

Music composer Elliot Carter celebrated his 100th birthday last week with a concert at Carnegie Hall. It featured a 17-minute piece for piano and orchestra that Carter wrote when he was 98. Carter has already lived three times as long as Schubert and 65 years more than Mozart. Yet his first opera premiered in 1999 and he produced seven works in 2007 and six more this year.

Since he turned 90, the composer who many critics rank among the greatest ever, has churned out more than 40 pieces and he shows no signs of slowing down. Aficionados say he’s still writing at the top of his form and every piece has new ideas that he’s trying out along with subtle refinements of those presented earlier.

At an individual level, Carter’s life offers a heroic example of unwavering faith married to unstinting effort. This can be particularly inspiring to younger contenders who fear loss of heart and burn-out. If he can be that productive at 100, just imagine how much you could do even if you make a fresh start at half or quarter of his age. Their effort, however, needs to be backed by what creativity wonks like Colin Martindale called ‘cognitive disinhibition’, which refers to the ability to focus or defocus attention as per task demands. So one “first learns the rules and then breaks ‘em!”

It also shows that for genius to thrive, at any age, attitude may be even more important than talent. This entails what the investment guru Warren Buffet called “the art of not getting in your own way”. “It’s not about your potential horse power,” says Buffet. “Whatever you have, learn to utilise it fully”; till the very end.

Call me anything except Junior - Parenting Tips

Randel S Carlock, the first Berghmans Lhoist chaired professor in entrepreneurial leadership and director of the Wendel International Centre for Family Enterprise, has reviewed Oliver Stone's latest film W in INSEAD KNOWLEDGE. The review has useful tips for parents. And as Carlock observes, had George W Bush been groomed differently by his parents, the world would have been a different place altogether.

The new Oliver Stone film W explores an important concern for business and wealthy families – how parent-child relationships shape a child's personality development and, specifically, individual drives and motivations. The coming of age drama could be many family businesses where a feckless son struggles to redeem himself by overtaking his preferred younger sibling to succeed his father as head of the family dynasty. The Oedipal conflict between father and son, an ever present mother-father-son triangle, an oldest son's birth order expectations and a dose of sibling rivalry allows the film to explore a full range of family dynamics and their influence on W's behaviour.

There is a powerful scene in the film that captures the emotional challenges that next generation family members, especially eldest sons, face under the shadow of their powerful and successful parents. When the young George W Bush is introduced by a friend to his future spouse Laura as George Bush Junior he replies, "call me anything except junior." The future president's response is simple and telling about his relationship with a powerful father who dominates his emotional life and his need to demonstrate his autonomy.

We also see his father's frustrations in another scene when the elder Bush confronts W about his son's alcohol-driven lifestyle by characterising him as "acting like a Kennedy," probably the most powerful put-down a patrician conservative could offer. As the plot develops, it is clear that much of George W's behaviour is motivated by his lack of self esteem and the need to prove that he is the rightful successor in his "family's business". The film even suggests that George W's motivation for pursuing the war in Iraq was to prove himself as a stronger and more capable leader than his forbidding father.

W teaches business families about the powerful influence of parenting practices on a child's personality development. Being from a successful family can create psychological problems because as Mathew Freud, great-grandson of the famous psychologist, stated so aptly: "You grow up feeling slightly special, but at the same time it was all reflected glory. I am a firm believer that everyone's parents damage their personality, but if you have famous parents, they have more ammunition." There are no magic bullets for effective parenting but there are behaviours that support positive parent-child relationships; that support a child's development, first, as a responsible and satisfied adult, and second, as potential stewards of the family's legacy.

Understanding and accepting the child as an individual and celebrating his or her uniqueness is the foundation for the child's building of self-esteem. This is a challenge for successful parents who often have a clear view of how the world works based on their success and want to imprint their experiences on their children. To some degree we all live vicariously through our offspring but we need to ensure our expectations and actions are based on their needs and not ours.

Other parenting behaviours to consider include:

- Demonstrating your love and concern. Children measure love by face time. Don't skip you child's school performance or event for a business meeting and then tell him or her that they are your highest priority.

- Encouraging your child's personal development based on his or her talents and interests. Any activity that creates a new experience for a child is a benefit.

- Teaching your children the value of service to others. Working with your child in a homeless shelter or an environmental clean up programme builds their sense of self-worth and practising stewardship strengthens service to others as a value.

- Coaching not caretaking. As your child grows up your parenting role must evolve from a caregiver to coach. Use your life experiences, both good and bad, to help them experience failure and struggle so they grow up with a more realistic picture of themselves.

- Practising 'fair process' in your decision-making and relationship with your children and the larger family. Your children's first experience in communication, conflict, planning and decision-making is with their siblings and parents.

Young people in successful families often experience a sense of powerlessness and unworthiness that comes from being valued for their family's success. Reflected success is a powerful force that makes it difficult for young people to see themselves as autonomous adults, able to function away from their family. This forces them to compensate for feelings of inadequacy with behaviours that are not healthy or effective. Engaging with your children to help them learn who they are and who they are not is an important step in supporting their psychological development.

Parenting matters – if the first President Bush had better understand George W's uniqueness and helped his son differentiate from his famous family, perhaps the world would be a very different place today.

© Campden Publishing Limited 2008

THE ART OF CAPTAINCY

Mike Brearley is a qualified psychoanalyst. He is also among the game’s legendary captains.

Brearley’s strategic skills and leadership qualities transformed England into a formidable force from the mid to late 70s. Captaincy was always his strongest attribute whether leading Cambridge, Middlesex or England.

The 66-year-old Brearley retains his passion for the game. A part of the English media covering the India-England series, he shared his thoughts with 'The Hindu' in an interview.

Q. What is captaincy? How would you define it?

A. You cannot really define captaincy. Can you define female beauty? I think captaincy is a lot about having a passion for tactics…getting the best out of people. Each cricketer is different and you first need to understand a player, his strengths and his weaknesses.

I don’t like the word man-management, which is more about sitting in a chair and sending out instructions. Captaining a cricket team has several more dimensions to it. A captain has to reach out to his men, anticipate, create and react to situations on the field. For every match you have a different plan. And for every plan you have alternate plans. This could change between every session, hour, and over.

Q. You were admired for the manner in which you motivated the players…

A. It’s a lot about human engagement. There are certain basics. You must not try to humiliate a player in front of others. You got to be honest with a player without putting him down too much. You should try and encourage him whenever you have a chance. You must remember and recognise his contribution in a team meeting.

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